I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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