I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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