omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
