I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this will be a night to untag.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
