i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
