well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
