Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
