Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
