we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
