Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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