If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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