I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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