just come out here and I will go home with you...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
