Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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