Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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