Having a random hookup so left but love u
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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