I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
