I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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