So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
