Im at strip club and am horny
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Barsexuality is the new black.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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