dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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