im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
