i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
