people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
