Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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