All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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