maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
