That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We have started to decorate penises.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
