Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
