She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
