I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
