Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
