Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need moral support for this bender
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
