why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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