i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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