can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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