Someone shit on the floor
just tell him i said nine months
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
