I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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