Can Purell be used as lube?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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