the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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