Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
