Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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