Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
