My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
