Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
