I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
