that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
