I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
