I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
