sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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